Everything is just screwed up. I didn't even know if I did the right thing. Yes, I've finally spoken out what I had been keeping for so long but seriously I don't think it helped a bit. Now things are getting tenser. People getting upset. Friendship lost. Trust broken. I think history is repeating itself. I tried to stay strong, like I always do. I don't know what's gotten into me today. I just broke down. What the hell was going on? I thought I would feel better but no, think I screwed things up. Yayness. To you... I don't know... I just wanted things to get better. Both of you get along, happy group of friends together, like we did last time. Long long time ago. I've lost a friend. I'm alright. I need time to recover. Just a short period of time. Give me scotch tape and I'll stick the cracked egg back.
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I think I'm becoming more and more anti-social. Somehow. I'm getting more and more people telling me how quiet I am and that I should open up to people. Or rather, strangers. Everytime, without miss, I'll be sitting at one corner, looking at other people talking and laughing away. I'll be alone, keeping quiet. And noone notice. Em. I think people DO notice that I'm quiet. And just yesterday, I was given the name 小静 (Quiet Little?) because the one who gave me the name thinks I'm quiet. o_o Right. And on the way back, think he tried to strike a conversation with me but heck, I was looking down all the time. -_- Now that I think back, yea. I was very quiet then. Attended 4 lessons and managed to talk to less than 3 people. That's how pathetic I am. I used to be noisy. Yea, but only to people I'm close to. Where are those people now? Why do I have the feeling that, that I made the wrong choice? I used to think that dream > everything. And now? What happen...
Do you know how hard it is to be sandwiched in between? I feel as if I'm double faced, you know that? I wish that you can understand why I pulled off. Why can't you try to understand? I got other commitments and that is MY choice. I got the rights to decide what I really want. Why would I give up something that I've been longing to do for years? I wouldn't say that if you're a friend, then you should let me do what I want. Nonsense. It's my decision, heck care about others. I really hope that you would just stop making sarcastic remarks. I hate it. I just hate anything that sounded sarcastic. I'm sorry if what you said wasn't meant to be sarcastic at all, but it really did sound sarcastic to me. At least, to me, yes. D on't force me into doing what I don't want to do. If I don't want to do it, I mean it. I. Don't. Want. To. Do. It. I don't talk to you? Well, I did, but I was told off. So what's the point right? No point no point. ...
Sheesh... it's not that I don't enjoy J's company... in fact, I do. But seriously, I need to have my personal space. I feel this irritated not because of her, but it's because for that somebody who's supposed to be taking care of her. And obviously the somebody is not doing her job. C'mon, you're the one who wanted to look after her, and now that she's back with you. Still, are you doing your job? Well, playing mahjong every night and neglect her is definitely NOT what I call "doing your job". Yea, I know looking after her is my responsibility as well. I would, if only I have the time. The thing is, I don't . I have my own commitments. You might as well say I'm running away from my responsibility whatsoever. Heck care. And please, stop that stupid mahjong noise. It's getting on my nerves. -_- Is it even that hard to stop gambling at a fixed time and tuck her in first? You don't let a toodler sleep at 2am please? And you should k...
No, I'm not as strong as you think I may be. I don't know what else I can do. It seems that whatever I do, nothing ever change. So what's the point? Each time I try to help, and each time, I fail. It's always the same thing repeating, repeating and repeating. It's not the first time. I went through the same shit for god knows how many times. Will the cycle ever stop? I don't know. I wish it could, but I don't think it would. Whose fault is it? I've got no idea. Sis, I know something's been bothering you for so long and obviously you can't get over with it. But do you think you're the only one being tied down with problems in this world? You have your own problems, everybody has. And I've been telling you the same thing, again and again. Why wouldn't you let go? You're the one who insist on holding on to it. It's just a mistake. Life is full of mistakes, and mistakes are to be corrected. If I have said anything that might have ...
Sharon's First Law of... (undefined)
Yes, as the great inventor and researcher I am, I'm finally publishing my latest law on... poops =X *drum rolls* Sharon's First Law of (undefined) When you're sad, apply this law! Tell yourself : "Swallow your tears into your stomach and let it out from your *cough* butt!" I know it's gross but I just love it, because I was feeling damn sad then I just came out with this "theory" XD I might as well blog it down, who knows one day I might decide to commit suicide then I can apply this theory to save myself =X Waiting, I was the first -_- Anyway, the competition didn't turn out good. I lost d. If I say I joined it just to gain experience, then definitely I'm lying. I think if I say that I'm just escaping from the reality. >_> A competition is a competition, it's cruel (and good for those who won lah). But tak kisah lah, I can't go back to the past anyway, so I better go on with my life lah! (Eh, how come I sound like I'...